Deserve

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True

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
Reading Lolita in Tehran

Lesson Learned...

My first year in India I took two pictures that I regretted taking. I regretted both for the same reason. Both pictures were very good, but really, both were “stolen”. Both were taken of people I didn’t know. One was of a little girl, maybe two years old, who was sitting and crying in the street. Her brother, maybe four, seemed to be responsible for her. It was late, she was little, dirty and probably hungry. I was hurrying to get on the bus and stopped for a second and took her picture. As soon as I sat down I regretted that picture. I regretted that in the one second I had with her I took her picture. I forever wished I would have used that second to kneel down and ask if she was o.k. or offered this little one some kind of comfort as she sat, crying in the busy street. But instead, I had “stolen” her picture. The other picture I regretted was of an older lady in a village where we stopped to visit. My “national geographic photographer wanna be” kicked in. I knew this picture of her scrubbing pots was going to be a good one.. it was, but I regretted not going over, shaking her hand and introducing myself. I regretted in both cases forgetting first to love and get to know people.

Among other gods

No matter how unsettled your stomach is..
you always have room for a little biryani
and no matter how tired your are..
you always have time for good conversation.


Now I am hoping to stay in bed till dinner. AHHH Happy Heart!

Happy to be Disappointed

Yesterday I was ready to be finished… ready to be finished at this school and really just ready to be done. My stomach ached, rice sounded gross and nothing at the school was going smoothly. We had started the training several days before but seemed to not have sufficient time to finish. We conducted assessments but had not met again to discuss ways to help students. Things felt disconnected and unproductive. It felt that not one goal had been met. I felt that I not only had not done anything of value but that I had also not established good enough relationships or credibility to make next year any more of a success.
The driver arrived this morning and warned us that we might encounter flooding. He suggested that we we didn’t have to go. Admittedly, at that point, not going sounded like a great option. Fortunately it was decided we would go...before I had time to voice my input.
Thank goodness we did! What a wonderful and productive day. We really did have more time to meet today. We had a good time working with our team of guys, analyzing assessment results and choosing interventions to match areas of need. We laughed and joked about ways to positively encourage and engage students and had fun trying out new methods on students. I can only hope it will continue after we leave.
The best part was joining in good fellowship. I got to join the lady teachers and upper class girls for lunch. Such great fellowship can take place on the floor, sharing a meal. I LOVE it. I had worked with men all week I was longing for that female connection. I am so happy to have shared rice with such great ladies. Fellowship continued at the end of the day as we all were dripping wet, enjoying the monsoon, and laughing together while the soaked kids rolled in the mud. Such good camaraderie happens when you least expect it. Great fun was had by all.
What a difference a day makes. So glad, I was blessed with this day instead of giving up. Sometimes joy comes when you wait. I was so disappointed today when they announced tomorrow would be a rain day. I looked forward to one more day with teachers and students. Thankfully today was great and such a good note to end on. As disappointed as I am to not have school tomorrow, I am thankful to be disappointed instead of relieved to be finished.

Where is the ark when you need it?

It really is monsoon season here. They said we had heavier rains today than they have had for the past 5 years. It rained last night. Some roads and fields were water covered this morning; some men were even fishing in an area that yesterday was a field. We made it to the school but all day were a bit concerned that any more rain would flood the road and we would have to leave early. All day it was mostly dry until the last half hour of school. It started as a light rain but in minutes it was a downpour. The school grounds quickly turned into a mud pool. Older children (and some teachers) ran to play in the muddy water. What a field day. Kids were falling, rolling, splashing and playing in the rain. One teacher journeyed out with a child-size umbrella but the small umbrella was no match and and flash flood waters resulted.

Heart Language:

I have found another language. Not sure when it got its start.
It is a beautiful language. It’s a language of the heart.

This language is very simple but it is really seldom heard.
Usually we speak too quickly. We rely on the spoken word.

Rarely do we have a time in our busy day...
when we can’t rely on words to say what we want to say...

But when we remain quiet and listen with our eyes
we will discover love and beauty that is missed otherwise.

I have found in India a language that is so beautiful but never spoken. It is a language of the heart. Actually, I think it is a language I have learned over the years. It is a language that has developed by watching people,“reading” the eyes and smiles of children who are unable to speak with words but have so much to say. I was told several years ago that this language, if I could learn it, would be important as I grew to love people. It is true. Last year, I was so blessed by friends who spoke English. This year, I have been so lucky to have conversations with women speaking “The Heart Language.” It really is beautiful. I have had whole conversations without speaking a word. I now know that a squeeze on the arm or glance can communicate as much as words ever could. Sometimes I wish that I could hold those moments when LOVE speaks louder than words, when culture, language, and oceans are no longer barriers. People are people and all people, if they are quiet enough, can speak this language of the heart. Often, I wish I could say more, or do more, or really get to know people. But, I love speaking this new language.

People

I had a conversation today about history, interactions between nations, and one nation's views of another. I was quickly ashamed by how little I knew about history.. but, must admit I am happy that in recent years I have been blessed to know about people. Nations have battles, disagreements and differences but people are people...in some ways the same and in some ways different...mostly needing and loving the same things. So thankful to meet the "people" of varying nations and not just know the politics.

Card from my mom

God has given me a place on earth
To be here for awhile.
I hope that as I'm passing through
I will make somebody smile.

I want to make life easier
For all the ones I meet.
I ask God for His blessing
To the strangers on the street.

I hope I'll never fail a child
If I can help somehow
I want to be as generous
As my resources will allow.

And when my life on earth is done
It will be my final plea:
Let someone, somewhere, think or say
"You have made a difference to me. "
- Helen Bush

Love Her!

You can teach a teacher “Special Ed Skills” but you can’t give a teacher a “Special Ed Heart.” The school I am at this week has both, one teacher has knowledge.. but fortunately one has heart.


He has started calling me Aka..(sister). His eyes are big and he is never in his seat .. but at least now he is staying in the classroom. His language is limited but he is very perceptive. He has become the teacher's shadow. During an activity he will periodically survey the room - checking to make sure all other children are on task before being reseated. If someone is not on task he is quick to discipline. He is glued to his teacher's hip - which is a good spot for him since she truly appreciates him and has every intention to teach him. “My job is to teach every soul.. he can stay with me next year too if they need,” she confides.

I aspire to be like his teacher. She is firm but loving. She scolds parents for not working with their children or because they bring them to school late. In a class of over 50 she knows each child's story, what aches their heart, and what impacts their families.

Yesterday another teacher called a meeting with this child's mom indicating that he should not be allowed to stay at this school. His teacher went to bat for him and requested that he should stay. Permission was granted but... I could see the hurt in his mom's eyes as she watched this discussion transpire (through a window). I have seen it many times before .... a parent aches for their child’s rejection. Fears flash through their minds worrying that their child won’t make it and concerned about the road ahead. Usually, I can offer words of comfort but this time, I can only hope my touch and body language offered enough support. I just wanted to hug her... he will be ok...he has a great teacher.. and an obviously loving mom...I tell myself.

(I wrote this a few days back when I had no internet. Today, I got to talk with his mom again. She seemed happier today. I know she knows that her son is loved. I so much enjoy those moments when you connect with someone without words but know the message came across.)

Meeting Needs