I stayed...

Never have I wanted to leave India so badly.  

While Alicia prepared to leave, I also started to pack. I was wishing that I could leave too... obviously, I didn't. However, in that moment all I wanted was to be in comfortable place, with comfortable people and I didn't want my "comfortable person/friend" to leave.  For six years I have joyfully traveled to India, but this time it felt like too much.  India is dusty and dirty but in the past my eyes never saw any of that. They only saw beauty...beauty in saris, faces, hearts, etc.  This year I couldn't see the beauty.  I knew the problem wasn't really in India but in my heart. All I wanted was to crawl in my bed and console myself until I felt better.  

In the back of my mind was a tiny whisper that seemed to challenge my desire to leave - a tiny whisper that challenged me to engage in a healing journey that didn't lead to my bed as comfort, but rather, finding comfort in God. I really doubted it would work...but, IT IS!!  :)  Not a fast change but a slow one. Slowly, I have been reminded that I do serve a faithful God and he is ready and waiting to meet me as soon as I come willingly to him.  I see beauty again! 

India or BUST!

We are in a plane! That might be a miracle!  I know we have been planning this for months and really started dreaming of it years ago but......   Probably five times in the last 6 weeks I fully believed it wouldn't  really happen (including yesterday). So, that is where my prayer requests begin. Yes, I need prayer for safe travel, connections with people, and effective training times but, what I really need is to begin to retrust and be responsive to God's voice. I analyze, critique, and over think... I want to learn to trust!  As I mentioned in my last message, I am tired. The school year had a rough end and I need refilled. I have always entered India in "overflow mode" giving and connecting came easy... While I feel better as I sit here typing This year I feel like it's going to take manna every morning and pray to be as "on" and as present as I want to be. That's a good thing. I'm ready to learn to trust and practice dependence. Please pray that I embrace what will unfold instead of shrinking back to my usual functioning.