Signs of Promise

The road to reach the house we visited was winding. There were high walls on both sides of the narrow walkway we traveled. We passed door after door after door - many opened, portals leading to one room dwellings. While I didn’t want to invade privacy, I couldn't help but notice people cooking, sleeping, playing, washing...a glimpse into their lives. Some faces jerked, heads snapping and eyes wide, as they saw a white face passing...others never noticed.  After several turns we ducked inside one of the doors. The kitchen utensils lined one wall.  A raised platform in the corner served as a bed at night, a table at meal time, and a work space during the day.  But what I loved seeing were the signs of promise.  Several shelves were built into the wall and they were STACKED with books.  There was one stack for each of the five children in the home.  Three of the children are young, still in grade school, but two are pursing higher degree in a university.  Hope can rise anywhere and everywhere....and even right here....in this very home.
Way to go mom and dad for encouraging your daughters.. Way to go girls - I can’t wait to see who you will become.  I am reminded once again of the value of an education.  When you can read, and you have the confidence to believe in your potential, all things are possible. 

Engaging

I made a mistake today.. I think it is one I make frequently.  I keep choosing disengagement.. and from now on, I will stop.  A friend went to a baby orphanage today and rocked sweet newborn babies.  I opted to stay home. I was tired. I’m still jet-lagged.  It’s a reasonable excuse and rest IS good.. but I didn’t really rest.  I did rest a bit, but much of the day I spent on Facebook reading about what is going on thousands of miles away, when right outside my door is a world from which I chose to disengage.

 

I used to have a sign in my classroom that said, “Do the BEST thing.” I wanted it to be a saying that I upheld. I think I need to remember that.

Sometimes, the “Best Thing” really is checking Facebook. I like knowing what’s going on.  Sometimes the best thing is editing pictures.  I love posting beautiful things.  Sometimes the best things is rest… and when rest is needed it SHOULD be taken.  Today, I did need some quiet downtime but now, at the end of the day, I realize how little time I spent engaged in what I actually needed.  AND.....I spent no time rocking sweet little ones.  Tomorrow if I need to rest.. I am really going to rest. If I need to read and to process, to think, or to pray I am really going to do that.  I am going to "Do the BEST thing" .. and hopefully, I will be more engaged.  Because India is a pretty great place..there are so many opportunities to engage...the United States offers many as well. :  )

Rest Day

I am tired to the core and thankful for a day of rest.  My day was supposed to be filled with all of my favorite activities, so despite my aching arms and tired eyes, I would have tried to do them all… because I love it!  Yet, it is probably o.k. that everything was cancelled.  I have laid around all day trying to catch up on sleep.  I know jet lag has hit every year but I just don’t have time for it this year.  I only have one week to see so many great people before I head north.   I'm trying to stay present in the moment and hoping for short periods of time with many, many people.  I'm hoping their hearts are as encouraged as mine.  Tonight, I am heading out with some friends for dinner and shopping.  Should be fun.. hopefully I'll stay awake. I should at least be well rested. 

and....if there was any doubt.. I still LOVE IT!

And.. there was doubt (a lot of it).  I had a good school year, so I wasn't sure why I felt so worn out leading up to this trip.  All I wanted was a summer at the pool.  I wanted to lay around, sit in the sun, drink ice coffee, and do NOTHING.  It took me forever to commit to purchasing tickets this year.  For a variety of reasons I kept putting it off.  The closer I got to summer, the more thoughts of not coming to India really seemed to gain momentum - worthy of my consideration. I have for sure had moments of panic before but this year wasn't like that, just an un-ending "I don't want to go!!" feeling.  I kept assuring myself it would be fine once I got here.  ...  AND guess what.....IT IS!!

Today was SO nice.  I was able to visit a village of women I enjoy so very much.  We sat on porches, in doorways, and by outside fire pits, sharing stories from the year...heartaches and joys.  Joys including the birth of a sweet, three day old, little" peanut".  Usually, translated conversations are awkward but not today.  It just flowed.
I like that!

Today ended with a "Bread and Wine" kind of night. Bread and Wine is a book I am reading now.  I would recommend any book by this author... I have referred to her before. This book is a celebration of life around the table.... cooking, eating, and sharing lives. Tonight was that kind of night...three ladies, three countries, a table of good food, and time together.

Now I am back in my room. I am sitting here tonight with a contented heart.  Thankful for the way I GET to spend my summers and thankful that I get to do it all over again tomorrow. 

I  made it.. India round 6.

I love people watching and airports are good for that... two airport watching moments I must share.

 1.   I love it when people catch me off guard and change my thinking.  First thing yesterday morning, a couple was waiting for a plane.  The husband, a tough looking older guy, long beard and deer print shirt leans over and gives his wife Eskimo kisses! Didn't expect that.

2. An older lady walks into that bathroom as I was looking in a full length wall mirror trying to do something with my hair.  She spoke no English but gestured to the mirror.  I figured she wanted to check her dress so I stepped to the side, thinking we could share.  She proceeded to walk straight into the wall.  I am guessing she thought it was the walkway leading to the bathrooms.. those mirrors can be tricky. : ) .. don't worry, I turned her around and got her heading in the right direction. 

Dear People of India,

You ask me all of the time to remember you.  Do you know how often  you are on my mind and in my heart?  I think about you all the time, I cannot forget.  I think about you when I do something that I love and I imagine how much fun we would have if you could be here doing it with me.  I think about you when I eat something delicious. I wonder if you would like it and I am guessing usually, that you have not tried it. I think about you when I am wasteful.  I wonder if somehow I/we were less wasteful or consumed less whether you would have more.  I think about the time you taught me to dance or showed me how to prepare tea.  I love the times where we speak without words....sometimes having conversations that look more like charades and other times just letting our hearts speak and our hands hold each other's for a minute.  I love how over time these little moments led us to be friends and I am grateful for that.  I think about those moments often.  I think about how excited you were and how hard you laughed when I tried to speak Telugu and I hope next time to know a little more.    I think about you when I feel ungenerous and I don’t want to share my time....I remember how generously you shared yours.  I think about how highly you value my prayers.....especially on the nights I forget to pray and I think it would hurt you a little bit to know that.  I think about you when I run.  I hate running so I try as hard as I can to picture being in your villages or at your schools. When I can picture being there I can enjoy the run a little bit (sometimes I hate running so much that it is hard for even you to help with that… but, it seems to help the most). I picture you when I teach my small class and when I see my cupboards of stuff.   I admire how you teach so many and that you choose to have big classes because you know the power of education.  I think about you when I get frustrated with children and people.  I picture the way I see some of you love and I want to be more like that.  I think of you when I get overwhelmed by serving and want to stop.  I think about your commitment to serve.  When the day goes too fast I think of you. At those times I think of how I am when I am with you how my pace is slower and my mind less stressed.  I like me like that.  I like being calm enough to see the beauty God has in that moment.....instead of worrying about the next.  I think about you when I buy things.  I think about how my living with less might allow someone to live with a little more.  Sometimes it is difficult to buy myself something new (I think this might drive my shopping partners a bit crazy but I can’t help it).  Sometimes I wish I could get over that part.  But really, I hope I never do. I want to stay changed.  I think about you when I am lonely or sad and I miss your company.  I talk about you to anyone who will listen.  I tell them how much I admire you and how much you mean to me.  Sometimes I talk about you so much that I fear it makes those around me feel a little bad.  I feel a bit sad for people who will never get to know you, never sit inside your home, and never hear your heartfelt worship and testimonies or be the recipient of your wonderful hospitality.  When I try to share - my words just can’t explain how it moves my heart.  It is hard to think about what my life would be like if I lived with you all the time.  I often wish I was brave enough to just do it but I am not.. at least not yet.   I wish that I trusted God the way you do. Many of you have given up much to pursue what you believe.   I wish I had faith like that. I admire you!  I think about you when I lay in bed since I know many of you who have never had a bed.  When I lie awake at night I pray for you.  I wonder what you are doing and if maybe God woke me up just to lay you on my heart because at that very moment you needed prayer.  You have changed me you are in me and I am better when I am with you. I just wanted you to know. 

Dear God

What scares me the most sometimes when I come back from India is the moment where my heart aches a little less or when my eyes stop tearing up every time I see a picture or re-play a moment.  I just want to stay in that place.  I want to lay in bed and pretend to walk in places again.  I still want the air to smell like a blend of tea, trash and spices.  I want to marvel at the contrast of the broken buildings,   and the beautiful people.  I want to stay in a spot where my heart becomes so overwhelmed with a joy that I can tangibly feel it move throughout my body.  I love this place - where the schedule and agenda are gone and I can quiet my plan enough to hear God’s and I become in tune enough with God that I learn to listen.  It’s beautiful.  In the loudest and busiest country my heart finds the greatest joy and I don’t want to become content with anything less than that.