Good Stuff

My heart sank. I was thinking that I still had a long time left but when I looked at a calendar I noticed that time is fleeting. I feel so confused. I never want to leave but when I think of staying my heart sinks too. I picture missing my parents and having to hug them good-bye at the airport...and I just can’t do it.  I picture my red electric blanket from Elda and I imagine not being able to curl up in my chair to sit and read with a cup of tea in the morning.  These are some of the favorites I would miss. 

I picture unending days of freezing cold showers that feel terrible no matter how hot the day was. In reality, and I  can’t imagine having a solid rice diet forever.  But on the flip side I have favorites here too.  My heart aches that I have not been to church in the villages even once this year. I know if I stayed longer I could make going a regular routine.  Nothing encourages my heart more.  I am sure it sounds crazy but I love to “lift people up." While I often don’t like the drawbacks of being a foreigner, there are some pluses that go along with that status. 

I love making people laugh at my failed Telugu attempts. Mostly though, silly as it seems, I love holding people’s hands....especially old ladies' wrinkled hands....hands that have weathered more than any hands should. I also like holding young hands that question their worth or hands that worry about pending marriages or how to raise small children.  Sometimes the hands I hold are ones with past regrets and/or questions about the future.  I guess I like to think that in a small way, those whose hands I hold are as blessed by our brief moment together as I am. That is the kind of stuff I want to have more of in my life...the really, really good stuff.