Just Being

 

I saw this on another blog but it just fits. It fits here when I show up in an unsuspecting house of Hindi speakers. It fits when I am in the U.S. and I enter a room filled with fast talking Arabic women. It fits when I smile and try to guess about a conversation. And it fits when out of those times when I think that I am really doing nothing...relationship begins. Sometimes it is just about being....I like that.

They are speaking Arabic. And I know absolutely no Arabic words, so I smile and nod a lot. I wonder why I’m here.

I excuse myself and wander over to the kid’s bedroom, but they are engaged in a video game and barely acknowledge my presence, so I go back to Najah’s room, and I sit. Smile and nod.

 I sit here feeling useless and helpless, and it occurs to me that this is okay.  It occurs to me that grace opens a door nothing else can open. I don’t have to be useful and helpful all the time. The one thing I worry I'll risk if I’m not— love and acceptance—is already a given. I don’t have to perform, to contribute anything. I don’t even have to know what’s going on. I can just be here. And I think Najah, without hearing any words to this effect, understands.