Today

While I am sure last night’s sickness cannot really be blamed on rice.. rice is the last thing I want to eat right now and I am in the wrong country to be having this issue because rice is a twice a day staple.  I have prided myself on my tough stomach. In five years of coming to India I have never gotten sick.  I guess my streak is over.  I felt certain last night that I would still be fine to got to school today but after breakfast I was still feeling achy, tired, and weak.. so, I spent most of the day in bed except for one brief trip to the store.  The only thing I was craving was soft serve vanilla icecream.  Probably not the best get well food but it sure hit the spot.  Tonight I am going to spend some time visiting with my new Australian friends.  They live in another part of India but have been visiting here for a few days.  I have so much appreciated their fellowship and will miss them when they leave tomorrow.  

Belly Laugh

When I entered the house, the old man in the corner didn’t even look my direction.  He uttered no sound as I was introduced to everyone else.  I figured the years had simply taken their toll.  Several minutes into the visit his son stood over him speaking in Hindi.   The old man’s eyes slowly turned to look at me and he let out a deep belly laugh.  “I told him you were American,” his son said. “He has never seen one before.…only on T.V.”   I am happy to be his first.

Just Being

 

I saw this on another blog but it just fits. It fits here when I show up in an unsuspecting house of Hindi speakers. It fits when I am in the U.S. and I enter a room filled with fast talking Arabic women. It fits when I smile and try to guess about a conversation. And it fits when out of those times when I think that I am really doing nothing...relationship begins. Sometimes it is just about being....I like that.

They are speaking Arabic. And I know absolutely no Arabic words, so I smile and nod a lot. I wonder why I’m here.

I excuse myself and wander over to the kid’s bedroom, but they are engaged in a video game and barely acknowledge my presence, so I go back to Najah’s room, and I sit. Smile and nod.

 I sit here feeling useless and helpless, and it occurs to me that this is okay.  It occurs to me that grace opens a door nothing else can open. I don’t have to be useful and helpful all the time. The one thing I worry I'll risk if I’m not— love and acceptance—is already a given. I don’t have to perform, to contribute anything. I don’t even have to know what’s going on. I can just be here. And I think Najah, without hearing any words to this effect, understands.

Signs of Promise

The road to reach the house we visited was winding. There were high walls on both sides of the narrow walkway we traveled. We passed door after door after door - many opened, portals leading to one room dwellings. While I didn’t want to invade privacy, I couldn't help but notice people cooking, sleeping, playing, washing...a glimpse into their lives. Some faces jerked, heads snapping and eyes wide, as they saw a white face passing...others never noticed.  After several turns we ducked inside one of the doors. The kitchen utensils lined one wall.  A raised platform in the corner served as a bed at night, a table at meal time, and a work space during the day.  But what I loved seeing were the signs of promise.  Several shelves were built into the wall and they were STACKED with books.  There was one stack for each of the five children in the home.  Three of the children are young, still in grade school, but two are pursing higher degree in a university.  Hope can rise anywhere and everywhere....and even right here....in this very home.
Way to go mom and dad for encouraging your daughters.. Way to go girls - I can’t wait to see who you will become.  I am reminded once again of the value of an education.  When you can read, and you have the confidence to believe in your potential, all things are possible. 

Engaging

I made a mistake today.. I think it is one I make frequently.  I keep choosing disengagement.. and from now on, I will stop.  A friend went to a baby orphanage today and rocked sweet newborn babies.  I opted to stay home. I was tired. I’m still jet-lagged.  It’s a reasonable excuse and rest IS good.. but I didn’t really rest.  I did rest a bit, but much of the day I spent on Facebook reading about what is going on thousands of miles away, when right outside my door is a world from which I chose to disengage.

 

I used to have a sign in my classroom that said, “Do the BEST thing.” I wanted it to be a saying that I upheld. I think I need to remember that.

Sometimes, the “Best Thing” really is checking Facebook. I like knowing what’s going on.  Sometimes the best thing is editing pictures.  I love posting beautiful things.  Sometimes the best things is rest… and when rest is needed it SHOULD be taken.  Today, I did need some quiet downtime but now, at the end of the day, I realize how little time I spent engaged in what I actually needed.  AND.....I spent no time rocking sweet little ones.  Tomorrow if I need to rest.. I am really going to rest. If I need to read and to process, to think, or to pray I am really going to do that.  I am going to "Do the BEST thing" .. and hopefully, I will be more engaged.  Because India is a pretty great place..there are so many opportunities to engage...the United States offers many as well. :  )

Rest Day

I am tired to the core and thankful for a day of rest.  My day was supposed to be filled with all of my favorite activities, so despite my aching arms and tired eyes, I would have tried to do them all… because I love it!  Yet, it is probably o.k. that everything was cancelled.  I have laid around all day trying to catch up on sleep.  I know jet lag has hit every year but I just don’t have time for it this year.  I only have one week to see so many great people before I head north.   I'm trying to stay present in the moment and hoping for short periods of time with many, many people.  I'm hoping their hearts are as encouraged as mine.  Tonight, I am heading out with some friends for dinner and shopping.  Should be fun.. hopefully I'll stay awake. I should at least be well rested. 

and....if there was any doubt.. I still LOVE IT!

And.. there was doubt (a lot of it).  I had a good school year, so I wasn't sure why I felt so worn out leading up to this trip.  All I wanted was a summer at the pool.  I wanted to lay around, sit in the sun, drink ice coffee, and do NOTHING.  It took me forever to commit to purchasing tickets this year.  For a variety of reasons I kept putting it off.  The closer I got to summer, the more thoughts of not coming to India really seemed to gain momentum - worthy of my consideration. I have for sure had moments of panic before but this year wasn't like that, just an un-ending "I don't want to go!!" feeling.  I kept assuring myself it would be fine once I got here.  ...  AND guess what.....IT IS!!

Today was SO nice.  I was able to visit a village of women I enjoy so very much.  We sat on porches, in doorways, and by outside fire pits, sharing stories from the year...heartaches and joys.  Joys including the birth of a sweet, three day old, little" peanut".  Usually, translated conversations are awkward but not today.  It just flowed.
I like that!

Today ended with a "Bread and Wine" kind of night. Bread and Wine is a book I am reading now.  I would recommend any book by this author... I have referred to her before. This book is a celebration of life around the table.... cooking, eating, and sharing lives. Tonight was that kind of night...three ladies, three countries, a table of good food, and time together.

Now I am back in my room. I am sitting here tonight with a contented heart.  Thankful for the way I GET to spend my summers and thankful that I get to do it all over again tomorrow.