Empty Words

Since returning, every time that I share any of these stories, the words sound artificial. Even as I hear the words come out of my mouth it sounds like I am making it up. I tried taking pictures, but the feeling is absent, I have tried writing, but can’t describe it. Without the cultural context the moment described seem empty. I guess, really, some things aren’t meant to be captured. The heart is more complex than words and when it can’t be written, I guess it just needs to be treasured. But, despite this acknowledgment I still feel compelled to try to share my experience. It is like getting any gift, you want others to enjoy it, to understand and appreciate it anyway. We really are more the same than different and sometimes I forget to see that. Each time I go to India..I am so blessed to be reminded.

Deserve

‎‎

True

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
Reading Lolita in Tehran

Lesson Learned...

My first year in India I took two pictures that I regretted taking. I regretted both for the same reason. Both pictures were very good, but really, both were “stolen”. Both were taken of people I didn’t know. One was of a little girl, maybe two years old, who was sitting and crying in the street. Her brother, maybe four, seemed to be responsible for her. It was late, she was little, dirty and probably hungry. I was hurrying to get on the bus and stopped for a second and took her picture. As soon as I sat down I regretted that picture. I regretted that in the one second I had with her I took her picture. I forever wished I would have used that second to kneel down and ask if she was o.k. or offered this little one some kind of comfort as she sat, crying in the busy street. But instead, I had “stolen” her picture. The other picture I regretted was of an older lady in a village where we stopped to visit. My “national geographic photographer wanna be” kicked in. I knew this picture of her scrubbing pots was going to be a good one.. it was, but I regretted not going over, shaking her hand and introducing myself. I regretted in both cases forgetting first to love and get to know people.

Among other gods

No matter how unsettled your stomach is..
you always have room for a little biryani
and no matter how tired your are..
you always have time for good conversation.


Now I am hoping to stay in bed till dinner. AHHH Happy Heart!

Happy to be Disappointed

Yesterday I was ready to be finished… ready to be finished at this school and really just ready to be done. My stomach ached, rice sounded gross and nothing at the school was going smoothly. We had started the training several days before but seemed to not have sufficient time to finish. We conducted assessments but had not met again to discuss ways to help students. Things felt disconnected and unproductive. It felt that not one goal had been met. I felt that I not only had not done anything of value but that I had also not established good enough relationships or credibility to make next year any more of a success.
The driver arrived this morning and warned us that we might encounter flooding. He suggested that we we didn’t have to go. Admittedly, at that point, not going sounded like a great option. Fortunately it was decided we would go...before I had time to voice my input.
Thank goodness we did! What a wonderful and productive day. We really did have more time to meet today. We had a good time working with our team of guys, analyzing assessment results and choosing interventions to match areas of need. We laughed and joked about ways to positively encourage and engage students and had fun trying out new methods on students. I can only hope it will continue after we leave.
The best part was joining in good fellowship. I got to join the lady teachers and upper class girls for lunch. Such great fellowship can take place on the floor, sharing a meal. I LOVE it. I had worked with men all week I was longing for that female connection. I am so happy to have shared rice with such great ladies. Fellowship continued at the end of the day as we all were dripping wet, enjoying the monsoon, and laughing together while the soaked kids rolled in the mud. Such good camaraderie happens when you least expect it. Great fun was had by all.
What a difference a day makes. So glad, I was blessed with this day instead of giving up. Sometimes joy comes when you wait. I was so disappointed today when they announced tomorrow would be a rain day. I looked forward to one more day with teachers and students. Thankfully today was great and such a good note to end on. As disappointed as I am to not have school tomorrow, I am thankful to be disappointed instead of relieved to be finished.